Let Her Go
by WingsStarsAndSky
Summary: The Doctor regrets his decisions in "Journey's End". Songfic to Let Her Go by Passenger. Disclaimer: I don't own the song or DW.


_Well you only need the light when it's burning low_

_Only miss the sun when it starts to snow_

_Only know you love her when you let her go_

_Only know you've been high when you're feeling low_

_Only hate the road when you're missing home_

_Only know you love her when you let her go_

_And you let her go_

The Doctor quickly turned his back on the scene, tugging Donna along with him, leaving Rose to be with the Metacrisis. Tears prickled in the back of his eyes, but he forcefully held them back, trying to ignore the memories of seeing Rose kiss his clone that pushed at the forefront of his mind.

After all, he still had Donna to deal with.

Mourning would come later.

_Staring at the bottom of your glass_

_Hoping one day you'll make a dream last_

_But dreams come slow and they go so fast_

The Doctor sat in a bar, slowly nursing a beer. Times like these were when he wished alcohol affected him as easily at it did humans. He would have to empty out this bar to do that. Even though he knew he couldn't forget Rose with beer, didn't mean he couldn't try. As he finished his seventh drink and tried to order another, the bartender shook her head and gave him a sad smile. He sighed, and looked down at the empty bottle. He supposed it was time to go to the next bar.

_You see her when you close your eyes_

_Hoping one day you'll understand why_

_Everything you touch surely dies_

The Doctor was alone in the TARDIS. Having lost Amy and Rory had taken a toll on him. He had looked through the Library, finding the images of his previous companions. He almost wished he hadn't gone looking when he saw all of their smiling faces. And when he left and found Rose's old room and snuggled down into the covers, well, who could blame him?

_But you only need the light when it's burning low_

_Only miss the sun when it starts to snow_

_Only know you love her when you let her go_

_Only know you've been high when you're feeling low_

_Only hate the road when you're missing home_

_Only know you love her when you let her go_

He hadn't realized how much the loss of Rose would affect him. At first it was denial. He thought maybe, just maybe, he could find a way into that universe to get her back. And everything would be ok.

Then, the second time, she had someone. His Rose had someone who could make her happy, and who could provide her with everything he never could. So even if he could find a way into that universe, she wouldn't leave. And besides, he wouldn't take her. Not from her probable-husband and possibly even children. Not when he couldn't give her that they same way the Metacrisis could.

_Staring at the ceiling in the dark_

_Same empty feeling in your heart_

_'Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast_

_Well you see her when you fall asleep_

_But never to touch and never to keep_

_'Cause you loved her too much_

_And you dived too deep_

It was the fifty-third night after the Ponds left, and the Doctor hadn't left the TARDIS. Well, to be more precise, he hadn't left Rose's room either. He had the lights shut off and the door closed, and he stared at the ceiling, drowning in his pain. His chest felt dead-weighted, weighed down by his dead hearts. He couldn't feel their beats anymore, the only thing proving that he was alive still was the pain.

Even when he shut his eyes, he saw her. He had tried to sleep after a while, but then that proved to be too hard when his dreams were clouded with memories of her. And they all ended with that beach.

He often dreamt of the first time on the beach, when she was standing close enough, the kind of close where he could feel her breath on his cheek, and could smell her scent. But that time he couldn't, couldn't reach out and grab her hand, or hold her close. And he couldn't do anything. Because she wasn't his. Not anymore.

_Well you only need the light when it's burning low_

_Only miss the sun when it starts to snow_

_Only know you love her when you let her go_

_Only know you've been high when you're feeling low_

_Only hate the road when you're missing home_

_Only know you love her when you let her go._

He never realized how much he needed her. How much he needed her light, her warmth. And he hadn't even realized what that warm feeling in his now-cold chest was, that fluttering in his stomach. The Doctor hadn't realized he had loved her… until he let her go.

_And you let her go._


End file.
